Being in a marriage is not easy…..by any means! But one thing that I learned about marriage is that arguments and disagreements are healthy and needed. I know that you are looking at your screen and cursing me out……but just hear… me…. out….! I am not talking about the arguments that last for days and end up with one person on the couch and another with a permanent scowl but disagreements that share your opinions in a healthy way.
Two people will never agree on everything. Unfortunately it just does not happen like that. Even through arguing most people want the ‘Tyler Perry arguments’ that starts in a disagreement and end in a tear jerking vocal arraignment in e minor. But all of us that have been through it know differently. I have tried many different approaches to arguments. I have tried the infamous sit down, hush and listen which only resulted in walking away angry. I have tried the scream over one another way and that ended with a headache. I have tried the mediator and the 30min talk……..we can go on and on and on.
One thing that I do know that works is understanding from both parties. I didn’t say agreement…….but understanding. Knowing you are willing to understand and accept my belief, thought, suggestion or way of thinking is a comforting thought and will help the course of conversation go in a better direction. When you agree to disagree it helps to understand that there does not always have to be a ‘winner’ or someone who is right. Most of the time the arguments and disagreements only hold 10% of something worth arguing for. Small things create bigger things and the argument stems from a small disagreement that snowballed into some other things that bother us and we take the ‘soapbox’ that is handed to us at that minute to voice those things.
Sometimes just knowing that arguments are temporary and will pass by the amount of attention that you give them. Negativity is a beast and if you keep feeding it will truly grow out of control. So as individuals we need to learn to handle our tones and emotions so that the core root of the conversation can be delivered properly.
Remember that disagreeing and arguing is natural and your relationship/marriage is worth the fight……..in a peaceful and healthy way!